Buried bruises.

Have you ever had an argument with a loved one that pushed you over the edge? Yep, me too. Reactiveness when a person has been pushed to their limit can show up differently. One reaction might look like getting loud and yelling insults, another can be shutting down and walking away. In the heat of the moment, your reaction feels completely valid and justified, because you feel the emotion so intensely. But what happens after time passes? Do you look back on the interaction and wish you hadn’t yelled or stonewalled? Although you cannot be responsible for someone else’s behavior in an argument, you must be accountable for your own. Reactiveness during an argument will continue unless you understand why you reacted so strongly in the first place. It is your job to process what was said, what perceptions you held or what reactive protection you put up. Once you understand the bruise you are protecting, you are giving it the opportunity to heal. 

Reflect.

Do you have awareness of your emotional bruises? What about the deep buried ones? These bruises embody the pain we carry in our mind and bodies. They inform our decisions and behaviors whether we are aware of it or not. These are the bruises we do not typically share with others. We hide these bruises because we may not know if we can trust the other person with this vulnerable information. But if we are in close relationships, these bruises are bound to get poked at, perhaps even punched. Take a moment to think about the hurtful experiences, beliefs or fears you keep hidden. Do you know why they are hidden? Are you ashamed of them? Do you worry they can be used against you? Do you judge yourself for having them? As the answers to these questions emerge, show compassion to yourself as the information can be quite powerful. 

Connect. 

As your bruises are unburied through your reflection, reassure yourself these bruises do not define you. You are a person deserving of unconditional love and acceptance, no matter the size of your bruises. Begin the healing process for your bruises and connect with a safe person in your life, encourage yourself to courageously share one of your bruises. Ask that person to be present with you as you open up to them about your painful experiences, beliefs or fears. Help them understand how you protect these bruises reactiveness. Help them understand how to be tender with your buried bruises. This brave disclosure will begin the healing of your bruises. Furthermore, it may help your relationship from future fractures the next time a misunderstanding occurs.