The search for love.
As little people, the moment we come from the wound we are in search of the security, safety, warmth and comfort we felt as our bodies and brains were developing. Ideally, you have loved ones around you that support this survival effort of receiving love and connection. They respond to your needs... whether they are physical, intellectual or emotional. But as we know, this doesn’t always happen. You may have loved ones around you doing the best they can, but their best isn’t enough. They miss it. They missed you. They missed the moment you needed to hear it’s going to be okay. They missed the moment to soothe you in the night after a bad dream. They missed your distress and emotions. They missed you, needing their love to feel safe and secure. They missed it because of their own stress, emotions, overwhelm and pain. So….you adjust. You shift. You morph to be a version of yourself that earns the love and security you are longing for. This may look like screaming your needs from the rooftops, this may look like ditching your needs all together.
Reflect.
How did you learn to be in order to receive love and security? Did you learn to be “easy”? Did you learn to perform? Did you learn to create chaos for focus and attention? Did you learn to keep quiet and figure it out on your own? Reflecting on how you learned to be different in order to receive love will allow you to notice how you’ve continued this pattern. Do you remain “easy”? Do you create chaos for attention? Do you not “need much”? Do you steer clear of relationships all together and figure it out on your own?
Connect.
Whatever comes forward during your reflection, connect with it. Allow this pattern of searching for love and security to be observed and understood. Allow yourself to connect to this version of you...notice how you morphed to ensure love and safety was given. Connect with your pattern and ask it, “Is it time for you to be broken?”. After all, love and security is something we all inherently deserve, without adjusting who we are.
